Open Letter of the Week

Why is there such a difference between the sexes when it comes to cheating.  I know that men and women handle many things and situations quite differently but when it comes to having your heart broken I don’t think that your gender should matter. The truth is that it does.  I believe that the main reason why there is such a difference between men and women when it comes to infidelity is because men usually follow their instincts and live for the moment and women usually follow their hearts and live the future.  You can find evidence of this in every aspect of life. It is manifested when buying cars, raising children, but most of all in relationships. When it comes to cheating, this is most evident in reasons for cheating and the way men and women go about cheating. When a man decides to cheat it is usually done on a impulse and because they have a physical desire that need to be fulfilled. With women it’s completely different. The lack of something important in her relationship is usually why most women cheat.  And most only choose that path after doing all she knows how to do to fix the problem. Women think long and hard before choosing to forsake their vows. They realize that this step is one that will affect and change life as she knows it. Women usually think about every aspect of the affair before she hand.  That includes, how to cover her tracks.   A woman is usually 2 steps ahead of her man. Which is why they don’t get caught as much as men and why people don’t believe that women cheat as much as men do.  Men don’t think about how the infidelity will affect them until it has been revealed to his partner.  Truthfully, men don’t really think much when deciding to be unfaithful.  Which is why it is so easy for them and why they get caught more often than women.  They don’t take time to think about the problems that this act will cause, who it will hurt, or why they are doing it. Questions like this is the last thing on a man’s mind when they want to satisfy that urge. With women, they do think about all of these things and they choose to engage in the affair anyway because they are missing something.  A man can be getting good lovin’ on the regular and commit adultery. It seems that men just can not get enough, when it comes to sex.  On the other hand, it seems that all it takes to keep a woman satisfied is to give her a little bit of genuine love.  Sex can be found anywhere but it is difficult to find true love. This is why most emotional affairs are more dangerous to a relationship than a physical affair.  Now that I think about it maybe that is why most men are forgiven for their infidelities and women are punished.  Fear of this punishment is why more women confess their wrongdoing to their mates.  Constant guilt and wanting to lessen the pain their mate will feel also plays a part in confessions.  Men will continue on living guilt free as if nothing has happened until their careless actions or the other woman reveals their infidelity.  When a woman confronts her man about an affair the first thing she wants to know is do you love her and for a man he wants to know if his woman had sex with the other man.  This is further evidence to confirm the way we operate and think.  Although men usually focus on whether their mate has been physical with someone else that does not excuse an affair that was built on emotions.  It seems that men have a more difficult time forgiving a spouse that has cheated regardless on the kind of relationship they had.  Maybe it is because of their egos or because most men don’t believe that any relationship between men and women can not be physical.  Many people believe that women allow men to cheat.  This is because when a women is made aware of her mate’s infidelity she will usually quickly forgive him and target the other woman.  This action only leads the man to believe that the consequences for cheating are minimal and will most quickly repeat his offense.  Women usually do this because they fear that upsetting the man will only push him back to the arms of the other woman but if she attacks her then maybe she will be scared enough to leave him alone.  Although men don’t forgive as much as women when they do decide to forgive he does just that and leaves the whole matter in the past.  For a woman, it is harder for them to just forget even though they will forgive.  She may forgive and continue on as if everything is the same but she will always watch everything her mate does closely.  She will continue to love but it will be difficult to for her to trust him again.  When it comes to cheating I believe that it is wrong no matter who does it.  I wish that both sexes could manage to work through there issues without turning to outside sources.  To me, it seems easier and less heartache to just communicate with your spouse about whatever the problem may be and try to work together to solve the issue.  If the issue can not be solved then it would be best to just end the relationship before starting another.  No matter who does it, men or women, it is wrong and can be damaging to the family.